Tantra, Kink and the Art of Transforming Pain Into Pleasure

Tantra, Kink and the Art of Transforming Pain Into Pleasure


Imagine yourself in bed with your lover…

He (or she, if that’s how you swing it) lays you down, caresses your body, breathes with you and softly kisses your neck.

With tender touch he traces a line down your heart, belly and down to your inner thighs.

Almost, but not quite, touching your pussy (or yoni, if you prefer the tantric name ;) )

Playing, teasing… slowly gently opening you to soften and surrender.

You pull him in to feel his body close to yours.

Then something shifts in his energy and you feel a dark rawness coming through him.

He meets your eyes in playful wildness, like a tiger just about to pounce…

He pulls your hair, pushes you down, and as he bites your neck he digs his nails deep into your back.

Then he flips you over and pulls you hips up and back, and – smack! – spanks you hard on one butt cheek.

How do YOU respond to intensity such as this?

Does it feel like pain or like pleasure?

Do you close down in fear – or do you writhe in ecstasy?

Whipping, spanking, biting, scratching, nails, teeth, pushing, pulling…

Being tied up and slowly tickled in sweet torture.

Do these words evoke feelings of opening or contraction?

And when it comes to emotional intensity… Sadness, anger, hurt. Can you open to it, or do you close your heart and body?

Most of us contract, hold our breath and close down in response to something we perceive as painful.

But what would happen if we could learn to open to it, welcome it, instead of wanting to push it away?

A few weeks ago I was teaching in Berlin, and on the last day before going home to Holland I filmed this interview with my dear friend Ruby May.

Ruby is a pioneer in Conscious Kink and brings Tantra together with BDSM (oh la la!).

(NOTE: It was a windy day in Berlin and the sound quality is pretty bad at times. Best is to use headphones so that you can hear every bit of this interview – it’s worth it! )

Click play to watch our conversation about Tantra, Kink and the 3 Keys to Transforming Pain Into Pleasure… [divider_padding]


More info about Ruby’s workshops and sessions, click here.

And now over to you:

How do you feel about pain, pleasure and intense sensations? Hate it? Love it?  And how do you usually deal with strong emotions?

Leave a comment below, and please share this post with your friends!


Ronja Venus

P.S. Just because I’m sooo excited:

Tuesday evening, when we were at restaurant Delano in Utrecht, my beloved man Toby Sebastian asked me to marry him.

I’ve never felt a bigger Yes to anyone or anything in my entire life.

And I must say, had it not been for years of Tantric practices and women’s groups I couldn’t have been in a place within myself, where I can dive in this deeply in intimacy with such a beautiful, present and amazing man.

Deep gratitude to life and for this love…

Will you marry me?

Thanks for reading and have a beautiful day! Hugs xxx


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  1. Joyce July 21, 2014 at 8:43 am - Reply

    Ohh such an interesting subject, thanks for sharing Ronja! Biting, slapping, scratching, pinching, tying down.. maybe not the first things you would think of when having sex with the one you truly love. But I love it! Had quite some sexpartners with whom I played with (the borders between) pain and pleasure. Because how wonderful is it to trust someone so deeply with your body, that you can also surrender in something that is ‘programmed’ as “ah no you idiot, why are you hurting me?!”..

    For me it can be really freeing to open up to my partner while he is playing with energy in this way, being dominant, causing (loving) pain. Shifting something from your heads “I shouldn’t like this, because it’s restricting, painful, not how you ought to express love” towards your body’s “oooh yes yes yes”, together with your partner. Demands some openness, trust and a looooot of love..

    I’d really recommend getting simultaniously spanked with a dear friend as well, haha. Double the pleasure.

    P.s. Congratulations with your engagement! So beautiful!

    p.p.s. made your chocolate lemon mousse yesterday. Oh my…

    • Ronja Venus Andersson July 23, 2014 at 6:43 pm - Reply

      Thank you for sharing Joyce! Yep, it definitely takes openness, trust and loooove… ;)

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  5. Danny June 18, 2019 at 6:58 pm - Reply

    It is an amazing technique that shows us what the human body is capable of. And most importantly, how to connect with another body through tantra massage. Me and my boyfriend are still in the process of discovering, but I have been looking for courses and massages. We are from Prague and I found this. I think it is very interesting http://www.erotic-massage-prague.net/services/tantra-massage-for-men/

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