Have you ever experienced an unfulfilling intimate relationship?
Have you ever felt yourself or your beloved holding back, meeting half way at best, and not fully giving yourself in intimate surrender…?
Have you been with a long term partner where passion was sexy and steamy in the beginning but then slowly dwindled and died?
If you’re like every woman I’ve ever met… then your answer to these questions – if you’re totally honest – is probably: Yes. Yes. And uhm… yes.
It seems to be quite epidemic. This phenomenon of a relationship starting out sizzling hot as Thai curry – and then fizzling out to lukewarm laziness.
Where neither you nor your man is experiencing the kind of love bliss you know is possible…
I’ve heard this question being asked quite a few times from several women in the last couple of weeks, so I figured this would be a good time to shed some light on this issue – and provide a solution.
The questions usually go something like this:
“Why is my relationship so damn unfulfilling?
/Why do me and my man keep on nagging at each other all the time?
/Why can’t we seem to go any deeper with each other??”
I hear ya. I’ve felt it. I know the way through.
To answer these questions I first want to take you on a tour to the land of Desire, and define what is at the core of what us women are longing for in a man – and what they seek in us…
Let’s start with the ladies, shall we? ;)
If we set aside all of the secondary, nice-to-have qualities, that we look for in a man (sexy jawline, magical touch, doesn’t-feel-intimidated-by-Ryan-Gosling)… what it ALL comes down to is this:
Presence. Deep presence.
As a woman you want nothing more from your man than to feel him being fully present and totally there with you.
Penetrating your being with his consciousness. Giving you love from that space.
It’s the feeling of him feeling you, opening your heart, and being the kind of man you can surrender to.
And as a man… all the other qualities aside, what he loves the most about YOU is:
Your sensual succulence and surrender.
The full-bodied YES of your embodiment of life, sex and energy.
As a man, he wants nothing more than to feel you opening to him, softening in response to his penetration, and receiving HIM fully into your heart without boundaries.
If I’d boil it down to its essence… the big majority of conflicts in between partners originate in this:
- Your man is not giving you his presence
- And you are holding back your sensuality and surrender
In other words:
Your man is pulling away, pushing you away or making you wrong…
And as a woman you have closed down or become energetically dried up.
More like a wrinkly raisin than a juicy grape.
You’re refusing to soften, open and be receptive – and he’s not acting in a way that you even feel he’s worth surrendering to.
Let’s go one layer deeper, shall we?
This in turn originates in that HE has not been doing his Masculine practice in discovering presence and living his purpose (if he’s even taken the time to find out what that purpose is).
And you as a woman have not been doing your practice in running energy through your body on a daily basis.
You haven’t been practicing opening your heart, opening to pleasure – and essentially opening to Love and Life itself.
As a woman you’re looonging to feel his presence – and as a man he’s missing your radiance, aliveness, energetic richness and overflowing of pleasure.
Well, I’m glad you asked…
The cure for this is to commit or re-commit to your own Masculine or Feminine spiritual practice – separately at first – and then practice coming from that place of giving to each other when you are together.
If you think your man is your primary partner – think again.
The main priority in your life, whether you’re single or in a relationship, has to be your own growth and embodiment of the kind of woman you want to be.
This is also the magic potion for keeping a relationship alive, fresh, expansive and ever deepening.
How to do this?
The fastest, most effective and most sustainable way to bring back attraction, juice and life into the relationship
– is to establish a daily practice that helps to strengthen and deepen the polarity between you.
It can be 3 minutes or two hours. Size really doesn’t matter. ;)
But it has to be every day or almost every day.
It’s easy to do, and easy not to do. But when you commit to this and put it into practice…
It. Works. Wonders. Trust me.
For your man, he needs to find a daily practice that brings him into his core and power as a man, and that reveals the truth he craves. This can be breathwork, meditation, yoga, sports or martial arts.
Every man is different, so there’s room for improv here – as long as it brings him into his depth and presence.
He also needs to get connected to his life’s purpose, and live his life in truth and honesty, wherever that may lead him.
For you as a woman: find a way – every day – to come into the YES of being in woman’s body. You’re a f***Ing miracle, so honor yourself as one!
Something that brings you into connection with your hips, your breasts, your breath… your fire, passion, softness… sexiness, wisdom or receptivity.
This can be through dancing, shaking, singing, spiraling your body, touching yourself, breathing or massage.
I usually let my daily practice be molded to fit my energy on that day, especially in relation to my moon cycle. Two guiding questions for me are:
“What would feel nourishing for me right now?” and:
“What would bring more aliveness into my body?”
One of my favorite practices is inhaling in between my thighs, receiving energy and imagine being penetrated by life.
In through my yoni/pussy, inhaling deeply into my body – and then shining love out through my breasts as a heart open offering to all.
This you can do at any point during the day when you feel drained or empty.
Best done in nature, but also works great just by closing your eyes and imagining a lush waterfall, a chocolate cake or something else that you enjoy…
Just a note here, in case you feel that this is “too divided between men and women”…
Yes, yes, of course (!!) it can also be great for women to sit in silent meditation and cultivate awareness.
And it’s wonderful for men to learn how to dance and move with energy so that they too can become more energetically sensitive.
But when it comes to nourishing and deepening the unique gifts that you are most apt to give AND are most longing to receive – then the main part of your practice is:
- For your man to become grounded in his presence and skillful opening his woman into love.
- And for you as a woman to become energetically embodied, responsive and open to receiving the flow of love deep into your body.
This is what it’s all finally about.
The best time for a daily practice is in the morning. This sets the tone for the rest of the day, and also ensures that it doesn’t get left until last (aka doesn’t happen).
A few minutes of Masculine/Feminine practice is also amazingly powerful after a long day’s work – and before sex.
Right now I’ve taken this practice a tad further by going away for 2,5 months to Thailand and Bali. This Sunday I’ll dive into a 4 week Taoist Tantra Training for Women.
I do this both to be able to take you deeper in the courses and events I offer – and to go deeper in my intimacy with my lover.
That’s how important this is to me. And I can guarantee you: it’s always sooo worth it.
Try it, love it, live it. You can thank me later ;)
Now over to you:
Do you have a daily practice? What do you experience when you do it? When you don’t?
What would you love to bring into your life that could open the space for more passion and deeper intimacy?
Leave a comment below.
Thank you for tuning in! I wish you a wonderful day…
With love from Bali,